“Father of the Bride” Chapter 12

It's every father's dream to walk his daughter down the aisle. A father has three main responsibilities during a wedding (well... four if you have to pay): walk her down the aisle, give the speech, and participate in the father daughter dance. All it takes is to be able to walk, talk, and breathe. For me, though, those are the very three things I am not so good at anymore.

Father’s Day 2022 was a beautiful day. On that day, not only did I get baptized, but my daughter Corina and Henry announced her engagement and gave us two months to prepare. The proposed date was 13 August and on 14 August we'd have an after party to celebrate my 55th birthday.

I immediately went into NCO mode and started my backwards planning process - I had 55 days. You heard me right, *I* had 55 days to plan. I took on the role and everyone stepped back. Together, Laura, Corina, and I worked together and divided up the task list. The plan was to have it in our backyard. Over the next two months, we ordered the decorations, arranged a tent, hired a caterer, ordered the cake, found the dress, and arranged everything we needed. Before we knew it, we were only one week out from the big day.

On 12 Aug, friends and guests from out of town settled in, the tent and tables were delivered, and the decorating began. We did a quick rehearsal and worked into the night preparing everything we could for the 4pm wedding the next day. At this point, my strength was fading, I was feeling weaker, and I was getting out of breath a lot faster. Nothing, though, was going to stop me. I was sure that nothing was specifically wrong, I just needed to take more breaks and recover. PALS are like a battery - after we lose our charge it takes a long time to recharge. You can no longer push through and suck it up. For me, this means I generally have to rely on friends and family to get work done that I would have done myself before ALS. The night before the wedding I went to bed around 1am. I knew I was done, but Laura and our guests stayed up until about 4AM. We had our plans set and everyone had their assignments for the big day.

I woke up at 7 AM while Laura and the others were still sleeping and jumped into the shower. The plan was to get a nice breakfast ready for everyone to start our day, however, I forgot about our other guest, Murphy. Yup, you got it, Murphy woke up and kicked my ass.

While in the shower, the steam started building up and suddenly I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I started wheezing a god-awful noise that woke Laura up. As I walked out of the shower, Laura walked in and saw the panic on my face. I'm fairly certain I looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie “Total Recall” with my eyes bulging out, but I couldn’t breathe and I needed help fast. Laura grabbed onto me, but quickly realized she needed more help and ran to the other room where our guests Kenny and Quita were staying and yelled for help. Meanwhile, I was standing there naked for the entire world to see, full on panicking, and sure I was going to pass out. Murphy, right there with me, crashing the party. Within minutes, the whole house was awake and I was sitting in the living room waiting on the ambulance. Still in a panic, I remember fighting everyone off who tried to calm me when about nine emergency service personnel arrived. There were people everywhere and it seemed as if they were using this as a training exercise. On top of that, the only way I was able to communicate was by typing my answers on the phone while panicking. It was a mess. They were trying to take care of me but there were people everywhere and they couldn’t even get the echo machine to work. Finally, after what felt like forever, I was off to the hospital. This was the first time I had ever ridden in an ambulance as a patient. While on our way, the ambulance team kept telling dispatch I had MS and I had to correct them... because I have ALS. This was another first for me as I started to realize how little knowledge First Responders have of ALS.

By the time I arrived at the hospital, it was around 8 AM and I was feeling a little better. As I got to my ER room, Laura was right behind me and our good friend Mike (in town for the wedding) was there as well. At this point, there was only one thing on my mind - the wedding must go on. I told the doctor to fix me up and ship me out because I had a wedding to get to. I must have been feeling pretty good because Mike and I were talking about the morning's excitement and I told him how Kenny is like a brother to me and really helped us this morning... and he even saw my balls. Mike and I were laughing when he said, "I’m you brother too and I never saw your balls,” just as the nurse came in. Over the next few hours, the doctors conducted a few tests, administered breathing treatments, and took x-rays, while I reminded everyone that I had a wedding to get to.

At the ER

We arrived at the house around 1 PM and our friends and family were in full "Go Mode." Laura and I jumped right in, however, Laura told me I had to sit down. But, of course, that didn’t happen. Laura was running around scaring the birds like the dad in “Steele Magnolias,” and I was happy to not miss out on my role as wedding coordinator. None of this would have been possible without all our friends and family who made it happen, and I cannot thank them enough for the work they did to make sure my daughter had a beautiful wedding.

Denise setting the tables

Made of Honor Marissa working on the flowers

As the other guests arrived, the final touches were being completed and my battery was about half way empty. Finally, it was time to walk my daughter down the aisle. I have been waiting her whole life for this moment and nothing, not even ALS, was going to stop me. The aisle was a walkway through my garden where we added three arbors which represented the past, present and future. As we walked, we stopped at each arbor for reflection. All of my children had a role in the wedding, adding to the already special day. Gabriel, who had worked all week to get the yard ready, presented Corina with a message during her walk representing her Past. Chantelle was the MC and made sure everything was on time with military precision, as well as presented Corina with a special message for the Present. Laura met Corina at the last arbor representing the Future, and gave Corina a message and her mother’s final blessing. Dominique, our youngest daughter, was Ordained online for this special occasion. She performed a beautiful ceremony and brought guests to tears.

The dinner was not much different than you'd expect for a wedding dinner with the exception of the speeches. As a Veteran with ALS (VALS), I can no longer speak verbally, and the VA had provided me a device that uses an IPad and special Apps to help me speak. I prepared my speech and presented it using the device. This was yet another blessing. Without it, I would not have been able to give my Father’s Blessing. I am blown away by the technology available for disabled persons and how far technology has come.

Kenny and Quita prepping the food.

If you know me, you should already know that the Father Daughter dance was NOT going to be simple. Over the 55 days of planning, Corina and I discussed several ideas but finally decided on a Disney Beauty and the Beast theme.

Corina, who is my step daughter in legal terms only, was two when I first met her. The first few times we met she was really shy and would not talk to me. To her, seeing a strange man in uniform was much like seeing a beast. One day, when she came to visit, I had an idea and gave her a stuffed monkey. Her eyes lit up and she hugged the monkey, and hasn't stopped speaking to me since. So when we were thinking of a dance, the memories of our story made it a natural fit. I bought a beast costume and hid it from everyone... only Corina and I knew the plan. Corina and I practiced the waltz a few times, but not the whole dance. When it was time for the dance, my battery was about 25%. I prepped the same monkey I gave Corina 27 years ago and hid in the house until our moment. By then, I'd had the mask on for about 10 minutes and was already struggling to breathe. When I came outside, no one else knew what was going on, and Corina and I performed our dance perfectly. You will see in the video when I took off the mask I was about to pass out. But nothing was going to stop me from my responsibilities as the father of the bride to dance with my daughter.

By the time the dance was done, my battery was RED and on low. However, I completed my tasks. Not only did I kick Murphy’s ass, I kicked ALS' ass, too... or so I thought.

The rest of the night was beautiful - there was a lot of dancing, singing, and enjoying family and friends. After all the guests left and we cleaned up a bit, we sat down to enjoy some quiet time with our houseguests. It was around 1AM when I went to bed. I was DONE. Laura stayed in the living room for a while longer. I was only in bed for about 5 minutes before Murphy jumped his fat ass on my chest again and I couldn’t breathe. Just like the morning before, I knew I was in bad shape, but this time I knew what was happening and I was able to stay calm. I came out of the room, looked at Laura and our guests, and we headed back to the ER.

It was now 14 August - my birthday. The doctors ran more tests, administered more meds, and we were out of there around 5AM. This time it turned out I had pneumonia and the doctors were surprised I was doing as well as I was, let alone everything I did at the wedding.

Mike singing Sinatra from the balcony

There are certain events every daughter wants their father to attend, and her wedding is the one event he should never miss. I refuse to let ALS deny me my duties as a father and let my daughter down. On this day, I was a proud father and Corina the beautiful bride. After all the years I gave my daughter away to Henry. I trust him with all my heart and know she is safe but will never turn over my duties as her father. I am so blessed I was not only able to attend the wedding, but be the Father of the Bride.