“That’s Scary” Chapter 151

When I first got my tracheostomy, one of my biggest fears was choking on mucus or having something go down my esophagus. I couldn’t imagine how horrifying that would be. I was afraid to shower and definitely avoided putting anything in my mouth. I would even panic during dental cleanings if my caregiver used too much water. After battling pneumonia twice and emerging victorious, I wasn’t looking for a trilogy.

Over the years I have often dreamt of drinking a cup of coffee or indulging in some ice cream. These dreams felt so real, but upon waking I would be gripped by the fear of choking again. When I showered, I always made sure to warn my caregiver to keep the water away from my trach. Recently, though, my daughter changed her shower technique and the water started flowing over my face and directly past my trach. In that moment, I couldn’t communicate my distress. A wave of panic washed over me, but I quickly realized that I was still able to breathe. I didn’t enjoy the situation, but I could breathe and found solace in the warmth of the water cascading over my head. I had missed that sensation for many years.

Yet, a lingering question remained: Can I throw up with a trach? What would happen if I did? Would I choke? The trach uses a balloon to hold it in place, pressing against the walls of the windpipe to prevent anything from going down, and as I had just experienced, it appeared to be effective.

The other day, while lying on my side in bed and experiencing some discomfort, Laura helped by gently pushing on my belly. This technique had become familiar to me as my muscles no longer functioned properly for pushing. Normally, we would do this in a toilet chair, but it was late and I was lying down with my head on a pillow, out of anyone’s direct line of sight. Laura was engaged in conversation with Nique when, during one push too many, I felt a rumble. I started blinking rapidly to signal for help. Suddenly, the contents of my stomach surged up my esophagus and erupted from my mouth and nose like a fountain. 

When Laura looked down and understood what was happening, she quickly sprang into action and suctioned out my mouth and nose.

As Laura cleared my mouth, I discovered something incredibly significant: as unpleasant as the experience was, I hadn’t choked. Nothing had entered my windpipe. The balloon had done its job. My fears had been addressed and the thing I had dreaded most was no longer a concern.

I know I’m not the only one who is scared of choking. I hope that my experience can help you feel more comfortable and confident about your trach.

Love and Blessings.

 

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