“Wiser or Wiseass” Chapter 40

It’s interesting how the body changes through time and what we do to fight the aging process. Grey hair, dye it. Wrinkles, get Botox. Gain weight, lypo. Starting to forget, Ginko or cell phone reminders. There seems to be a magic fix for almost everything but, you can’t fix stupid.

Everyday seems to be a be change for me. I really don’t care much about my grey hair, Santa belly or wrinkles. Laura has wiped my ass more times than I can count. If that didn’t run her off I’m sure the aging won’t.

If the old adage “with age comes wisdom" is true then why do we try to stay ahead of our aging?

With ALS everyone says you need to stay ahead of the disease. Get your equipment, do your exercises, get your financials in order. If you are lucky you might be able to do so. For example we now have a toilet with a heated seat, bidea and remote to flush it and I now am to weak to use it. Shit thats like buying a race car to drive 55 on a highway. I’ll never feel the warm seat and water on my ass just like the race car will never go 150 mph.

The only things you can stay ahead of is not shitting yourself, meals and keeping your mind right. All that being said I thought I would give you an update on me.

Current ALSFSR 8

So let’s start from the top down. My mind, well I would like to say I’m alright but, I’m not sure if my minds every been “right”. As I sit here in my garden listening to 80s “Prince” it reminds me of how far I’ve come from the wiseass kid I was and how damm good Prince “Purple Rain” is.

Eating, speaking and facial movements have been gone a long time but I have upgraded in the drooling like a baby area. Before I would use 100 paper towels a day.  We found that rolling a gauze between my lower lip and teeth ready helps catch the drool better. I also got a Botox injection in my saliva glands to reduce production. So if you see a picture of me with what looks like a bad set of dentures and 10 years younger, now you know. My neck is so weak if it fall backwards I need help lifting it it up. I also can’t keep my mouth shut so don’t tell me any secrets. But I’m no rat.

Moving down my right arm is only good to hold my phone like a car mount. Shake too hard or hit a big enough bump and the phone goes flying. Don’t worry, I have a strong case. My left arm is about 10% useful. I can raise it a few inches, can’t grip nothing but still have my thumb to write my blog.

My legs are too weak to walk anymore. Last update I was still using a walker to walk and stand. Now I can’t do either and need 100 percent help from two people to move. On a positive note, as I get weaker Laura is getting stronger. You should see the guns on her now.

As far as my breathing goes, I’ve been pneumonia free for months and have not made any adjustments on my vent settings. I’m eating better but can’t tell you if I’ve gained or lost weight because I can’t free stand.  I guess we could use a truck scale with me in and out of the truck. I’m open for suggestions. On a positive note I had my feeding tube replaced back to a Mik-key. You might remember in a previous post when I told you the nursing staff broke it while in the hospital. There's something not right with a man having two things sticking out of his body and the second longer then the first. I feel like a man again now that the tube is gone.

Damn bug get off me! Opps sorry for that, a bug landed on my face and I couldn't get it off. I literally have to ask for help. I get my ass kicked by bugs everyday. One time while sleeping I had a white moth shit all over my face. I woke up and couldn't do a damm thing about it.

To be honest I keep ahead of my ALS knowing I have God, my family and you on my side and I love everyone of you for that.

So the next time you see a new grey hair or wrinkle before you reach for the dye or Botox, stop and think, do you want to look older and wiser or younger and a wiseass?

Remember I get my entertainment in very few ways anymore and your comments are one of the best ways to fill my heart. So leave me a comment or drop me a PM.

Love and blessings