“Past Or The Future“ Chapter 133

“Do you find yourself thinking more about the past, or the future?”

I was asked this by a reader and thought it would be fun to answer. You would think this would be an easy question to consider, but in everything there is a Ying and a Yang.

When I think of my children, I think about their futures. I want them to be happy and successful. I want them to have a great love like I have. Will I ever have GRANDCHILDREN?

But then I think about them as children - happily laughing loudly. Playing Army with my gear or acting like parents with their dolls. When I went on school trips, I loved telling stories to the kids. One time when we were living in Missouri and going to Ha Ha Tonka state park, I had my group of 10 kids to chaperone and I let my inner “Onion Reporter" out (That’s basically telling the truth about something, but you have to peel the layers of BS back to get to the truth). I went into a 30 minute story about a young Native American woman named - wait for it! - Ha Ha Tonka, who was in love with a White man and they were being chased by a group of men to the edge of a cliff. To avoid being caught, they jumped to their deaths together holding hands. Ever since the ghost of Ha Ha roamed the park and if you were quiet enough, you could hear her crying. Then, when they were all finally quiet, I screamed and scared them.

I also think about goals. In the past I would make short term goals up to two years, mid term girls around 3-5 years, and longer term goals for 5 years and out. These goals would cover things like finances, owning a house and job advancement, and these goals were all replaced by new ALS time lines: 1 week, 6 months and 2-5 years. You might even ask, what is the point of goals when you have ALS? Simple answer, Why Not? Some good ones I use are, wake up to a new day, write my weekly blog, and celebrate another birthday. What are your goals? Do you make goals?

I used to think about ALSFRS-R a lot and focus on what my score was. To me, it’s like a batting score. You start out a perfect .1000, but you are set up to fail; always going down when you miss. So why watch your ALSFRS-S go down every time you lose a function? Looking at my fully functional score of 48 could be depressing knowing that looking into the future ends in a 0 or basically death. I can’t do nothing with that but find a comfortable casket. I wonder if I can fit my Dallas Cowboy’s blanket?🤔

I guess the correct answer to the question is I think about both because there’s always a Ying with every Yang. Just like there is a Zig with every Zag. What do you think about?

Love and Blessings 

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