“A Special Birthday“ Chapter 56

I was reading a post the other day and a PALS asked, “How can I show my appreciation and help my caregiver?” He further stated, “I used to help around the house, but my ability to help has reduced as my ALS progresses.” There were many responses telling him to say please and thank you, but is that really enough?

Before ALS, Laura and I shared the cooking, household duties, and yard work. Simply doing this showed our appreciation for each other. However, when it came to birthdays and our anniversaries I always wanted to do something special. Over the years, I would buy Laura many of the typical gifts men get for their wives. It wasn’t until I read “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. A book outlining five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love called "love languages". They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. The book provides a quiz to determine which love languages you best speak and understand. Once I realized Laura's love languages are acts of service and quality time, I was able to give her gifts that were more valuable to her.

So, as I started to deteriorate and rely more and more on Laura, my ability to offer her quality time and acts of service has gone from being increasing harder to do to almost impossible now. If I could do nothing more than say please and thank you, Laura would be fine. She's never ask for a thing and would continue to happily take care of me. Well that’s not good enough for ME. I am handiCAPABLE, not handicapped, and ALS will not stop me from doing the best that I can to speak with her in the love languages I know she most appreciates.

So for this year, with the help of my girls, I was determined to make Laura’s birthday special. I’m a realist and know this could be the last year I get to do this, and wanted this year to be memorable.

About two weeks before her birthday, I asked the girls to be my voice and planners. The plan was Mariachi and a dinner by a personal chef. I started researching local mariachi and surprisingly found three local options, so I asked my daughter to call and book one. After a few calls and emails, we booked Mariachi Oriental (https://www.mariachiorientalmd.com). They started off walking down the driveway playing while we were all “conveniently” sitting outside for some fresh air and played our requests for an hour. What a great group they are, very friendly, and they sounded great.

Shortly after, Chantelle took Laura out to get a pedicure while Corina and Dominique “made dinner."  While they were out, our personal Chef for the evening, Jamie, got to work. Like the mariachi, I searched online for a personal chef. This time, though, I found pages of chefs, but only a few who worked on Sundays. Corina called and coordinated the time, menu, and a tour of our kitchen before Chef Jamie arrived. Chef Jamie (https://www.mealmatedc.com/aboutthechef ) was awesome. She shopped for all the ingredients in advance, prepared a family style meal with dessert, and while we were eating, she cleaned up entirely before leaving. The dinner could not have been better. Handmade pasta and biscuits, braised beef, sautéed veggies, and dessert - all of which was, I’m told. My own meal involved a perfectly-shaken Kate Farms shake.

Understanding Laura’s love languages has allowed me to continue show her love and appreciation for who she is to me, while using the rest of my village to do the things I can't do myself these days. The day was perfect and a day to remember for all of us. ALS does not have to stop anyone from remaining actively involved in their lives, and the lives of those we love. We just have to be a little more creative.

If you want to know how to communicate better with your significant other, find out their love language.  Don’t let anything stop you from learning the best ways to show your love and appreciation.

Love and blessings.