“Happy Father’s everyDay” Chapter 39

In 1985 I was 17 and in high school when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I was so excited and scared at the same time. Was I ready to be a father? After a few days my girlfriend told me she wanted an abortion. The only thing I could do was support her decision. Shortly after she broke up with me.

At 19 I was dating.an Italian girl which was fine as a boyfriend to her family until she got pregnant and told me she could not have the baby because I would not be accepted into her family. Once again even though I didn’t know how or have the means to take care of a child would not be a father.

When I 20, I met a young lady while in the Army and three months later we were married. Within the next month we were living in housing , had a car, a job and everything needed to start a family. So when she told me she was pregnant I was overjoyed. As a couple we were ok but being young and only a Private First Class it was tight. Shortly after finding out about the pregnancy she told me she wanted an abortion. I was crushed, this time I was supposed to be a dad. We were married only 6 months when she left. Within the next six months I was on my way to Korea . I requested the duty station thinking I could just run away.

It’s funny how the mind works never letting you forget. The Army back in the 80s and 90s did support the Soldier with mental health like now. Suck it up and do your job was the mindset. I was pretty good at that because of my past. But one day I decided to speak with the Army Pysch. I was there for an hour telling him about my past and felt good. However, before I got back to my unit he called my Commander and had me on restricted duty which did not allow me to work as a MP. Once again punched in the e face I went back to the phychs office an got him to retract what he said. I went into full suck it up and do your job mode.

Years later was married again only this time I was an insta -dad. With a step daughter was 5. I enjoyed being a step father and had a great example of what to do from mine.  Shortly after we were expecting a baby and this time we were going all the way. It was about the three month mark when she miscarried. Then twice more over the next two years. I started to question if I was ever going to be a father. Why was this happened to me. I never really hear men saying this. Maybe it’s the “suck it up and do you job” that keeps men from being open. I hear “will I ever be a mom” from women a lot. Makes you think who’s the stronger sex? Yup, I went there. I know men are.

It wasn’t long after I was divorced a second time, God looked down on me an blessed me with meeting Laura. I was working as a MP and she was locked out of her home. Being the great man I am I was called to rescue her. The process to get the keys for military housing , opening the door and get the paperwork done usually took about 30 min but I was there three hours. (That’s a whole other blog post and a glass of wine.) After completing the required paperwork while hanging around one of the first questions I ask Laura was could she still have children. I know what your thinking, who the hell ask that? But now knowing my past this question may seem reasonable when you fall in love at first sight.

After sweeping Laura off her feet with all my charm we were married and I was an insta-dad again with my son Gabriel and daughter Corina. Never once were they or will ever be considered as my step children. On 5 July 1995 Chantelle was born and on 1 November 1996 Dominique. My heart was healed. I was a FATHER of four beautiful children.

I wish I could say it was easy seeing as how I wanted to be a father so badly. But it wasn’t. I still had all the baggage from my past haunting me an I didn’t know how it affected me. A few years later while stationed in Hawaii I attended a personal growth retreat held by the Navy Chaplins Corps. This four day event was life changing. I was in a safe space and was able to completely let go of all the pain of my past. I cannot say I came home a perfect father but I can say I was a new man.

Over the years I dedicated myself to my family and being a father. I watched my sons football games. We even painted our hair blue one time for the game. That was not a good idea when the color got in his eyes during the game. At the end of the day we both looked like we were characters from “Braveheart”.  I set up a fundraising event for a non profit and at the event Corina’s art was displayed for sale. I bought everyone of them secretly and kept them for years. Later giving them all back to her. I traveled around the world supporting Chantelle and Dominique soccer always being the loudest in the stands. (Kaw-Kaa). I loved the breakfast in bed with handmade cards for my birthdays and father days with the verity of princess toast eating every bite.  I absolutely love being a father for the past 28 years and understand now why I wanted to be a Father so bad.

According to the Bible, when Abraham settled in Canaan with his wife, Sarah, he was 75 and childless, but God promised that Abraham's “seed” would inherit the land and become a nation. He had a son, Ishmael, by his wife's maidservant, Hagar, and, when Abraham was 100, he and Sarah had a son, Isaac.

75, I don’t know if I could have waited that long to become a father but, I do know God blessed me when I was ready.

To me everyday is Father’s Day. I am blessed with four loving children who now take care of me. When the girls were younger they would say don’t worry dad when you are old we will take care of you. Corina would say I will wipe your butt slowly to make sure you are very clean. Dominique would say I will do it fast because it stinks. But Chantelle would say “don’t worry dad I’m going to be rich so I can hire a nurse to wipe you butt just right”.

I pray no father will need their child to wipe their butt but, if you do I hope you have loving children that will do it just right.

I now have many names; pop, dad, daddy, bop , papa bear but I love Father the best.

Happy Father’s everyDay.

Love and blessings