“My Death Letter” Chapter 22

Recently I was watching "Special Forces" (a training TV show with celebrities) and "Seal Team." In both shows they wrote their death letters. A death letter is a letter Soldiers write to their loved ones before a deployment or mission they feel could lead to their death.  The letter is then sent to their loved one upon the untimely death.

This got me thinking, should I write MY Death Letter? Do people with life-ending illnesses do that? After all, we have time and should be able to tell everyone we love our thoughts beforehand. But do we?

If I live everyday do the fullest and am honest and love those around me well, then I should have nothing more to say.  Do we write these letters out of guilt because we were not open and honest and the letter gives us the opportunity to say our minds with no retribution? Do we write the letter for those left behind so they can have one last thought? I am sure there are many reasons why someone might write their letter, but for me, I’m not sure who I would write the letter to.

I tell my closest friends and family how I love and appreciate them, and I let them know my thoughts and feelings on all issues. So I don't necessarily have anything to write to them about, however, I realize that I should write my letter to all of those I do not see regularly.

So here it is.

Hello,

If you are reading this, then I am still alive and kicking ass because I refuse to write a “Death Letter." Instead, I am writing this Alive Letter to all friends, family, blog readers, and those who I may have hurt, upset, or disappointed.

To my family, I love you and am so proud of you all. I cannot think of one family member, whether they are from my natural, step, foster, or chosen family sitting in jail, strung-out, pimpin, or anything else preventing me from calling you family. I love when I had time to spend with you over the years. Such fond memories traveling through Europe and the States visiting different sites, holidays with large celebrations, and a variety of other activities have helped fill my bucket. The love you gave me has been completely absorbed into my soul.

To my friends from the past and present: they say people come into your lives for a reason, a season, a purpose, or a lifetime.

For these reasons I may have either kept into touch with you or have not spoken to you in many years. That being said, once a friend, always a friend. We may have lost touch because of a move, change of my phone number or email, and I'm sure plenty of other reasons. I’m told ALS is not contagious, so here is my current number and email 703-408-6447, ddubois12008@yahoo.com. Contact me sometime and let’s catch up while I still have time. I cannot speak any longer, but with the last two functional fingers on my left hand I am one hell of a texter.

For my friends in my daily life, continue to keep doing what you are doing. The joy it brings me knowing you all care is priceless. Memories working together in the Army, when we were kids, volunteering, or even getting into trouble together will never be forgotten, and neither will you.

My blog readers I thank you for your support and hope you not only continue to enjoy what I have written in the past, but continue to enjoy my future posts for a long, long time to come. I further hope that by now you have gotten to know me better and have become my friend or even family. Continue to share and support the blog and let’s gets new readers.

To the individuals I may have hurt or upset, I am sorry and want you to know that as a man, I have changed. In the past, I would say you either like me or you don't. I did not care, but that was my youth and ignorance speaking. My love and belief in God has taught me to ask for forgiveness and hope I am liked. I will never intentionally hurt or upset anyone and hope you do forgive me. So please forgive me.

Finally, I wish to be cremated and the only song I want to be playing in the background is from Nelly - "It's getting hot in here".

Well that’s it. This is my letter, and there will never be another because I will continue to love and keep in touch with all of you. I have no reason to write a Death Letter.

I leave you with this - I hope you have lived your lives to the fullest, and continue to be open and honest with your friends and family. If not, pick up the phone, send a text, write a letter, do what you can to forgive and have them forgive you. So you too will never have to write your Death Letter.

Love and Blessings