“Seasons” Chapter 54

Looking out my windows, I can always tell the season by the large Beachwood tree - the center piece of our backyard.  Its smooth, light gray bark covers the three foot wide trunk, standing 50 feet high amongst the others. Our love-hate relationship constantly changes throughout the year depending on the season.

In the Spring, the tree starts to bud over all of its live branches, and shakes off the dead ones through violent storms. Within weeks, the leaves bloom and the yellow pollen fills the air ,covering everything around it. Through all its beauty, I get madder with every sneeze as the weather warms up with every breeze. It’s easy to overlook the chaotic changes the Spring brings to our lives as we take in the beauty surrounding us.

In the Summer, the tree is so full with leaves that it provides cooling shade from the sun and keeps me dry from the rain. I love sitting under it, watching the squirrels run through the branches and the birds come and go from their nests. I find comfort and peace under its umbrella. Without knowing it, the tree acts like a caregiver, providing me and the wildlife protection and love.

Without a calendar, I always know when the Fall arrives as this tree is first to lose its leaves. The bright green leaves turn dull and yellow as they slowly die and fall, covering the ground where I watch the change. Slowly, the tree exposes the gray branches once again and the birds begin to leave. I spend the next few months picking up the dead leaves from the tree, preparing for the long Winter rest.

The Winter cold finally allows the tree time to rest. The branches bare without its leaves, I can once again see through it, exposing the night sky. Each year, the tree lives an entire lifetime as it waits for the next season to bring new life, protecting and loving those who seek protection under it.

Like the tree, PALS go through seasons as well. The first time I was told I had ALS, I exploded like the tree in the Spring. I was mad, confused, and questioned why this was happening to me. I didn’t see all the beaty and new life surrounding me as a storm raged inside of me. Unlike the weather, there is no timeline - this season can last a day or even the rest of our lives. This season is the hardest to get through.

As I transition into my next season, I realize how loved I am. Like the tree protecting and caring for those under it during the Summer, I realized that I am protected and loved by my family and friends care for me. My rage turned into peace as I deepened my relationship with God. Through my peace, I began to cover others by sharing my own ALS journey.

Slowly, the muscles and nerves die in my body like the leaves on the tree in the Fall. My body is slowly giving way to ALS. I’ve gone from walking to a wheelchair, breathing on my own to relying on a vent, and from enjoying steaks to shakes. Shedding weight like leaves, my bones are slowly being exposed like the branches on the tree and I can no longer protect those under my care. As I prepare for my Winters rest, I must prepare myself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

When my Winter does arrive and my body goes cold, I know I have done everything I could to fill my bucket. I served my country, I married the woman I love and together raised four amazing children. I traveled the world and made a lot of friends.  My time here may be done, but the next time I open my eyes, I will be in front of God preparing for the next season; protecting those I love once again.

Love and blessings